A Letter From My Mama… by Julie Moore

I share this with you because I know many of you can relate. I share this as a tribute to my mother. I share this to allow you to see me as I am.

I found a letter stuffed in the back of a drawer yesterday. It was the letter my mama wrote to me for the last birthday we spent together. July 12, 2005. She recalled the day I was born and the events that occurred. Funny story. Then she went on to tell me how much she loved me and how a mother’s love is unconditional and goes on forever and ever.

I had forgotten about this letter and feel pretty bad that I did. Last night I kept thinking and replaying things I wish I had known about her especially how she felt while she was sick. I don’t think I knew how much she loved me until now. Reading that letter and some cards I found with it makes me realize I never knew the intense love she had for me, I didn’t know the dread she must have felt knowing she would be leaving us all, I didn’t know how proud she was of me. I’m trying to understand where I was and what was I doing! Did I just check out mentally while she was sick?

Guilt is a terrible thing. If I could go back and do it all over again I would show more compassion, encourage her to talk about how she felt and hold her tight. She was so very afraid of dying and I didn’t know it. Who wouldn’t be? I kept thinking she just really wasn’t going to die so I pushed her to get stronger, which never happened. I pushed her to do things for herself and all the while I should have done it all for her because she was weak and sick and wasn’t going to get better and she knew it.

I believe now all she wanted was for me to spend all the time I could with her caring for her with compassion, spending quality time together, and giving her hugs and words of encouragement.

My hubby says I did everything I could, that I was a great daughter. But deep inside I know different. I know at times I was resentful because my life was put on hold during this time. I know I should have spoken gentle, healing words to her. I know I should have laid down with her and just held her and reassured her of my love for her. It seems I was always in such a hurry and time is something I didn’t have between taking care of her, my family and all the other obligations I had.

Obligations? What a wrong view of things. My family is not an obligation, taking care of a dying parent is not an obligation. No, they are sweet blessings from God. If only I had seen it that way then.

I think I finally came around to this conclusion after I got home from a weekend retreat. God spoke to me at that retreat and let me know my mama would not be with me much longer. I had decided to devote every minute I could to loving and caring for her with a new attitude. She went in the hospital a week later and never came home. However, I spent the next six weeks by her side or outside her door watching over her. Even though I feel I came through for her at the end I know I failed her in many ways for two years while the disease took every part of her away from me.

One thing I am thankful for today, right this minute, is I KNOW my mother loved me until the day she died. And that love was not an ordinary love. It was a desperate, forever, hard, strong love like no other.

As hard as it was to find that letter yesterday, I am so thankful I did find it. My tears are steadily flowing because I miss the woman who changed my life, the mother who was my best friend, the one who loved me for me with no exceptions, the one who knew every secret I have and always loved me anyway. Thank You Lord Jesus for the blessing of a loving mama and the privilege of knowing and loving her too.


  1. Your letters have been an encouragement to me! My mom passed away in January 2010. Although I know she is with the Lord & I will see her again, I felt I could have done more. I wasn’t raised with her but knew her all my life! I am glad however that I spent alot of time with her towards the end, praying & singing. A piece of my heart died with her, but God has been performing surgery & healing is taking place. I pray the same for you! Joanne

  2. What a beautiful, heart-wrenching post! I can see the regret that you have but I also see that the Lord blessed you (and your mother) with very full last moments. I only hope that my children will feel about me the way that you feel about your mother…whether I am living or not.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words I feel the same way. I hope my children will know the love I have for them is like no other they will ever know other than the great love of our Heavenly Father.


  1. […] A Letter From My Mama… by Julie Moore (gracefullwomen.com) Share this:EmailPrintFacebookTwitterStumbleUponDiggRedditLinkedInLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in caught on the street, in my hood, PHOTO OF THE DAY, PORTRAITS OF PHILADEPHIA and tagged cap and gown, germantown, graduate, mother and son, Philadelphia, street photography, Street Scene. Bookmark the permalink. […]

I really, really want to know what you're thinking so leave a comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: