I Thought God Wouldn’t Answer THIS Prayer/ by Heather


The single most important thing I’ve learned in the past 3 years is TRULY understanding grace. Walking in freedom and knowing who I am in Christ. I sit here thinking back on all the heartache I’ve experienced – divorce, loneliness, anger and so much more. And then there is grace – which covers all. HIS grace is sufficient. HIS grace has carried me my entire life – even when I didn’t readily admit it. See, HIS grace is our lifeline. We don’t deserve His love or His blessings or His mercy. We deserve hell. BUT, He chose to give us grace. To make a way for us to be with Him forever. Grace. He chose us – to love forever.

There’s a reason I’ve been sitting around thinking about this very thing. See, I got engaged Friday night. Yep, engaged to be married. Me – the one who struggled to forgive. Me – the fear in my relationships one. Me – the Former Party Girl, Hateful Teenage Girl, Really Mean Sister, Fairly Disrespectful Daughter, Fair Weather Friend, Low Self-Esteem Student, Divorced Single Mom. Me – the one with the quick, smart mouth. Yes, ME! Guess what? I don’t deserve to have gotten engaged to a man who loves me the way I’ve prayed to be loved. I don’t deserve to be engaged to a man who loves my kids like they are his very own. I don’t deserve to be engaged at all. I don’t deserve happiness or the chance to love another human being. But then there’s grace. I am humbled and amazed at the grace He has shown me my entire life and even now, in blessing my life in a way I’ve begged to be blessed.

So in my women’s lifegroup class last fall, we wrote on notecards one thing that we truly do not believe God will provide for us or do for us. We sealed them in envelopes and tucked them in our bibles – to be opened whenever you felt was a good time. It was a personal thing we did for our own hearts – maybe to tuck our unbelief away. Let’s face it, we have deep desires FOR things. We have deep desires for things to be taken AWAY. And we are afraid sometimes to approach God with those things – and our hearts are seeded with unbelief. Well, I didn’t remember what I wrote on that card and sealed away in my bible. A few weeks ago I ran across the envelope, very neatly labeled “2012” and I remembered the exercise and I could not for the life of me remember what I wrote on that card. So I opened it. Right there, written in a handwriting that didn’t even seem my own – small, weak, lightly written “I don’t believe this at ALL” kind of letters was written the following:

I do not believe that you will bring me into marriage.

BAM! That stinks. Bad. What a slap in the face!

But guess what? HIS. GRACE. COVERS. ME. In everything – even my unbelief. When I wrote that card, I was not in a relationship with my soon to be husband – I had no idea what was in store for me. I wrote that card in simple unbelief. I admit it. I did not think that God would fulfill that desire in my heart. He did, a mere 7 months(ish) after my bold statement. I tell you this because what a humbling moment for me to yet again be smacked with the vastness of His grace. It’s inexplicable and unfathomable and I love, love, love how He chooses to reveal it to us in all things that happen in our life – good times and bad times. I’ve seen His grace at my lowest and I’ve seen His grace at my highest. And His grace for me is no more or less than His grace for you. In every season – in every high and low – His grace covers us. Hold on to that. Whatever season you are in know that His grace is not COMING, it’s THERE! His grace is always there.

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Comments

  1. Kathy Nofal says:

    Fantastic insight Heather and what each of us needs to remember every hour of every day. Why does He love us as He does and care about our issues? I’ll never know! I read this with a huge smile on my face. You rock!

    • Heather says:

      I love you Kathy – thank you for your encouragement and for reading!

      • That’s so nice.I’m in a relationship for 4 years arealdy. Well I has negative things and positive things too it’s a relationship like any other. Two person loving each other.Thanks for sharing your story!The best for you two!

  2. Terri Sawyer says:

    I thought that too. That my dad would never get saved. I prayed for ten long years—I even told Him that I didnt care if I knew—but He is so wonderful, gracious and loving!! My husband led him to the Lord about a month and a half before he died!! Now I am content knowing that I will see him again in Heaven. Gods grace IS amazing!!!!

    • Heather says:

      You’re the best Terri. I love you sweet lady! I rejoice you’ll be with your dad again one day.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Heather,
    My heart rejoices for you!!! Thank you for sharing this. It is very meaningful for met today. Don’t you wonder have those who don’t know His Grace get thur?
    Sheryl

  4. Anonymous says:

    Dear Heather,
    Your words of wisdom and inpiration mean more than you will ever know. You are such an amazing woman who deserves all the happiness your heart can hold. The good Lord never gives up on us so we should not give up on Him. May His Grace shine upon me as well. Love me

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