Fighting My Own Battles Got Me Nowhere/ Heather


Anyone who knows me well will probably tell you I have a quick mouth. Thanks for the agreement, mom. I tend to be quick witted with the tongue and before I can stop myself, I will throw out a sarcastic comment. I can’t help myself sometimes – it’s just what I do! While this can sometimes be entertaining and make people laugh, it’s not always the best of “talents” in my repertoire.

A few years ago as I was going through a divorce – feeling like I was a huge failure at life and feeling like I just wasn’t wanted by anyone, I learned a good lesson about keeping my mouth shut. Once again, it is amazing to me how God works ALL THINGS for good. ALL THINGS – even my smart mouth believe it or not!

Sometimes when we are cut deeply and are wounded and hurting, we lash out, right? I know I’m not the only one – it’s what we do! Especially as women, even subconsciously, we can project that pain on someone else – we lash out to place blame and to make absolutely sure someone knows that THEY are at fault, not us. I’m pretty dang sure that will sound ALL too familiar to any men that are reading this blog….but I digress….

So there I was, going through a divorce, hurt and wounded and doing what? You guessed it, lashing out. BAD. I remember times just sitting on my couch, alone and afraid and thinking “well, I will just tell him what a horrid person he is. I will just make sure he KNOWS how wrong he is. I will take it upon myself to prove that I am RIGHT!” So guess what I did? I would send the most sarcastic, mean-spirited and hateful emails and texts to my (now) ex-husband. Oh boy did I really let him have it. THEN, I would go straight to the fabulous friend with whom I am in a discipleship relationship with and tell her “OH MY GOSH, get this….look what I wrote!” – giggling the whole time. Here’s the best part, too, she is so wonderful….that true kind of friend and mentor that would say “wow, that was a GOOD one!!!! However, we are going to apologize for that, because you know that wasn’t right.” There were days I hated her for that. BUT, what a gift to have someone let me be real and then also hold me accountable for my actions and lead me straight to the cross and in the right direction.

For months I struggled with this lashing out, this smart mouthed “I will just show you” attitude – all the while knowing it was wrong. Then one day I went to meet with said friend I sometimes hated (by the way, she is reading this and she KNOWS I love her more than pizza), and she handed me a postcard. She very non-chalantly said “My mom gave me this verse and I thought of you.” That verse was Exodus 14:14. The verse says “The Lord will fight for you while you remain silent.”

And I sat there silent – maybe for the first time in the whole ordeal. It literally hit me in the gut. THE LORD will fight for you while you remain silent. See, I knew I wasn’t supposed to mouth off. I knew I needed to keep my nastiness to myself. I KNEW I was in the wrong for lashing out because I am no better than anyone else regardless of what they have ever done in life. I don’t deserve any more grace than anyone else on this planet, but HE gives it to me anyway. So that day I literally heard God’s voice saying to me “now just be QUIET, because I have GOT THIS” He has GOT THIS – on my behalf – fighting the battle for me. I didn’t have to do it. So, I stopped. I just stopped being mean. Oh and let me tell you, that was HARD for me at times. Then the most beautiful thing happened. I was able to start praying for my ex-husband. Now if I’m being honest, the things I prayed at first weren’t very nice either, but the point was that I was PRAYING for him. And I have news for you, you can’t hate someone you’re praying for. As time passed (and with some good, solid therapy), the anger and hatred and meanness started to disappear. THINGS STARTED CHANGING. Guess why? Because THE LORD was fighting my battle for me – and HE is always victorious. Always, because Love wins and He is love. Period.

Be quiet today. Let Him fight for you in whatever struggles you have. He knows the end result and it is BEAUTIFUL, so let Him fight the battle for you.

I will rejoice.

I will declare.

He is my victory and He is HERE!

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Comments

  1. Charlotte Leverett says:

    This is awesome. Sounds just like me and the answer to another chaos situation. Just keep doing the next right thing. What is my motive for doing what I am doing. God just answered another prayer with this blog. Reassurance.

    • I’m so blessed that you have been blessed by Heather’s post. We pray for just that very thing. Thanks for commenting Charlotte.

      • – Isn’t this lovely! I bevelie that we often fool ourselves if we think that relationship is all about giving. I KNOW God gives children to grow us and HE shows up in every relationship we allow our eyes to see Him in. It can be very humbling to learn from the one we are trying to teach. I know! Yesterday, over lamb practice my son & I filled ourselves with pride and self preservation and made demands while we sought to control a situation. But God came through and taught us both something about ourselves and where we need to RECEIVE and also about our relationship where we need to GIVE. God truly is in everything!

Trackbacks

  1. […] Fighting My Own Battles Got Me Nowhere/ Heather (gracefullwomen.com) Share this:FacebookStumbleUponDiggEmailTwitterRedditPrintLinkedInPinterestTumblrLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. This entry was posted on May 30, 2012, in Devotions, Honesty and tagged divorce, He Already Knows, Honesty, Intimacy with God, Intimate relationship, Prayer, relationship. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment […]

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