Relationships and Fear by Heather Freeman

Today we begin A WEDNESDAY WORD FROM HEATHER FREEMAN! Grab a good cup of  coffee and sit a minute to enjoy Heather’s post this morning. Thank you my friend for making me really think, remember and realize a few things about myself. It’s a great way to begin the day.

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and you are fearless.

Lately I have struggled with something. See, I have been hurt deeply in life. Haven’t we all? We all have our stories – we all have our “things” that we have dealt with or are dealing with. As a result, we protect ourselves – which is good, but can also hold us back from great blessings if we try to protect OURSELVES instead of letting our great Protector do the protecting. For me, it is the fact that I have a really hard time letting people just love me and care for me. I know I do it – I just don’t always know how to fix it. It stinks quite honestly because it damages relationships. Again, I know I do this. I know it’s a defense mechanism. I know it’s because I’m afraid. I know it’s because I’ve been on my own for 3 years and have gotten used to being independent. I know it’s because I don’t “need” anyone. I know it’s because of the fear of getting hurt again. Fear. Fear. Fear.

 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10.

Whoa. So let me get this straight in my head. Here is a verse I “know” – a verse I “quote” – a verse I BELIEVE yet I’m not applying it to relationships with people and I’m scared? I’m afraid of getting hurt? So really, I am not trusting that He is with me in that too? Quite the revelation for me in this moment. Here’s what is so cool – this is stuff I KNOW. This is stuff I believe, but Jesus loves me so much that sitting here in my writing, He will apply a verse to a particular situation and make it clear for me.  

See, this is yet another example for me of how letting Christ dwell in us and BE in us and accepting who we are in Him is the only way. He is the only way we can be fearless. He is the only way we can be strong and upheld in ANY situation. In His sight we are holy, blameless and loved. THAT you can believe and with that who could be afraid of anything? The creator of the universe loves ME like that and I’m afraid someone on earth will hurt me?

God is showing me lately that He has simply GOT ME. Romans 8:28 says that for those that love Him, He works ALL THINGS for good for those who are called according to His purpose….. I know that. I have it tattooed on my arm (sorry mom). What He is showing me is that He has not only got my back in the big picture but in every little thing. Period.

Someone told me once maybe you don’t put up walls to protect yourself but instead to see who loves you enough to break them down. What a cool quote. How romantic and feel-goodish right? Well, that’s what Jesus does. When we are stubborn and fearful and in a bad spot, we build up walls to keep Jesus out. He loves us enough to break them down. He loves us SO MUCH that He is constantly pursuing us. He doesn’t care about what walls WE’VE built, His sight is set on our hearts and that’s where He wants to live and dwell so breaking down a few walls to get there is nothing. So what is the point in what I’m struggling with lately? It’s that my focus should always very simply be on having an open heart to Jesus and as a result, we love people and show them Jesus. In love and in life, let’s live fearlessly! My God is stronger.




  1. It’s that the wonderfully alive thing about God’s Word—that God uses it to address things in our lives in fresh ways all the time? A verse we “know” challenges us in a new way when we allow God to search our hearts! We just finished the book of James in our small group and were reminded not to look in the “mirror” of God’s Word and then walk away without remembering what we looked like. We have to read God’s Word and let it sink deep and search us. Thanks for sharing!

    • You are so right HeatherKing. I “know” verses but its at that time when the come alive that i “get” it. Love Him so. Thank you for commenting.

  2. Wow! This post speaks VOLUMES to me. I have been single for 6 years and yes I am afraid and yes I know I shouldn’t be. But with God in my life I know each day I am getting less and less afraid. GREAT POST!!! Thank you for sharing!!

    Julie =)

    • Julie I’m so glad you could relate to Heather’s perspective. She’s going to bring so much life and truth to Gracefull Women. Thank you so much for commenting. Sometimes it;s nice to hear what people think.

  3. Laurie Caudle says:

    Heather, thank you for sharing ! This is the hardest battle right now for me as i am going through a divorce that i did not want and i am trying to find myself and true identity in Christ and I seem to live in fear daily. Keep speaking truth. I am thankful that God never leaves me or forsakes me! 🙂

  4. Dear Heather, I loved your post on fear in relationships. God is bringing fear to my attention to work on now. My husband and I were separated for 2 years after only 4 years of marriage. During our 2 year separation, through God’s grace, we both found Jesus. My salvation was immediately after my husband left. My husband found Jesus after a year and 1/2 of wondering. During the year and 1/2 my husband left me, he filed for divorce and committed adultery. The divorce was never finalized for reasons unknown. I’m convinced God kept it tied up within the court system for no known reason. Both of our lawyers had no explanation. We somehow started slowly to speak again to each other, we renewed our vows at church, we forgave each other, received Christian marriage counseling and now we live with each other again. All is joyful until those days I let fear creep in, the devil’s lies torment me day and night because I let them. I dwell on the bad things that happened during our separation. I let fear and anxiety lead me. I recently learned in an awesome book “Calm My Anxious Heart” that depression is allowing the hurt from our past into the present, and anxiety and worry is allowing what probably won’t happen in the future into the present. I am realizing when I allow the devil’s lies to rule me I am behaving exactly like I use BC (before Christ) and I see “crazy cycle” starting back into motion and the behaviors that contributed to the separation. I am realizing how fearful I am because of all the hurt from past relationships in my life. I come from a abusive childhood, a foster kid, a party girl, a homewrecker and a thief. Jesus has given me a new life, he’s got my back no matter what happens. I have nothing to be fearful of. If God is for us then who can be against us? I truly am free to be me. I can lay all this fear at the feet of Jesus and let Him continue His good work in me. How He loves us so. I want to thank you for your blog! Blessings, Mary

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