The Man Next To Me


 

 

This week’s prompt for RemembeRed asked us to write about a time that rhythm, or a lack thereof, played a role in your life. And don’t use the word “rhythm.” I’m not really a poet but I like to give it a shot once in a while. Concrit welcomed.

 

The man next to me is strong, virile and mine,

In his slumber he breathes in and out, slow and loud

I bind my ears with my own hands to silence the sound

But he is next to me, strong, virile and mine.

 

 

The man next to me is tall, dark and handsome

He sleeps so deeply he knows nothing of me

Head covered by plush pillows I cannot see

But he is next to me tall, dark and handsome.

 

 

The man next to me labors hard to provide

His eyes close at the door of day’s end

Mouth opens and out comes an ear shattering wind

But the man next to me labors hard to provide.

 

 

The man next to me is friend, lover and spouse

But tonight I’ve rolled him over, to the door and out of the house.

 

 

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Comments

  1. What a suprising ending…you knocked the rhythm out of me! I think you did a great job, and I would guess you had fun with this.

  2. Adorable!! I SO want to roll my husband over, out the door, and out of the house when that snoring takes over. I usually try to fall asleep before him, but if I ever don’t, it’s going to be a LONG night. I loved how this seemed almost in time with his snoring.

  3. I’ve been known to put a pillow on my head when it gets bad! lol Good way to use rhythm! :>

  4. Galit Breen says:

    I love the love, the heartfelt ode to your tall, dark & handsome man and then boom! I love the karate chop ending!

    Well done friend! Well done, indeed!

  5. I loved this. It definitely made me laugh, especially the end. It’s exactly how I feel about my husband sometimes!

    The line that made me laugh the most: Mouth opens and out comes an ear shattering wind. Ear shattering wind. HAHAHAHAHA! I love it. Very vivid.

    You really showed me all the way through this one. You did a great job with this poem, and rocked the prompt!

  6. You knocked one out of the ball park with this one. Loved the repetition, and the ending was marvelous!

  7. I liked it too. Love the flow of it. I liked the line, “The man next to me labors hard to provide.”

  8. Linda Dunaway says:

    I liked this also, it made me laugh this morning! You have a way with words, Julie, that makes us want more. Keep writing!!!

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