The Secret’s At The Cemetery


This is the second part to a new storyline I began last week thanks to a prompt from The Red Dress Club You can enjoy the first part here. Today’s prompt was to write about a pair of shoes of yours or your character’s. Concrit is needed and welcome. Thanks.
 

Rachel reached for the bag in the seat beside her. She clutched it tight as she got closer. The contents inside gave her the strength she needed to face the monster that waited for her.

 

The front door swung open even before her foot hit the first step on the porch. Alec was dressed in the red pinstriped shirt he wore when he was feeling powerful. He looked at Rachel like he might hit her with the solid glass tumbler he held in his hand.

“Where have you been? You left your phone here. You know I don’t like it when I can’t get in touch with you.” He said through gritted teeth.

 

“I went to Halton’s and bought something for the baby then by the cemetery. It’s been a while. I forgot my phone. It was charging and I just walked out and left it.”

 

“The cemetery? Why do you insist on going there? They’re dead Rachel!

 

“You know I have to go there at least once a month. It’s all I have left of them. I’ll take my phone next time.”

 

Alec made certain that was all she had left of her parents. Rachel and Mason knew he was involved in their deaths. However there wasn’t a shred of evidence connecting him.  Almost everything including the house was burned to ashes. The mausoleum held her parents remains and he’d have to restrain her to keep her away.

 

“I want you to accompany me, Susan and Joan to dinner tonight. Wear your turquoise dress and the shoes to match.”

 

“What time should I be ready?”

“6:30.”

Rachel ascended the winding staircase still clutching the bag from Halton’s store. Her steps getting a little quicker the closer she got to her room. Once there she sat on the bed and opened the bag. With hands trembling she took out a pair of pink and white baby shoes. She imagined the shoes on Baby Girl’s feet. Perfect fit.

Baby Girl would never wear a turquoise dress or shoes to match, not if she had anything to say about it.

 The turquoise dress fit tight around her pregnant belly. And the thin straps lay perfectly on her shoulders. But those shoes were hideous, the same color, dyed to match the dress. Alec had to have perfection. Her feet hurt in the 3 inch heels because of the swelling.  Could she slip into the black pair that were one size larger? No, Rachel didn’t dare walk down the stairs without those matching heels.

 Rachel sat down  on the edge of the solid white chair next to the bed. Bending over she tried to reach her left shoe to fasten it. No luck. Propping it on the edge of the bed made it a little easier. Stretching forward she lost her balance, fell over and landed back in the chair.  As she tried again she thought about her last few visits to the cemetery. She usually felt close to her mom and dad while there but this was different. Rachel felt pulled to go there. And she was beginning to remember things. Things her dad told her.

 

“Rachel baby  you need to know some of the secrets about Astra.”

 

She and her dad sat in the garage on the old orange couch as he explained what he called “life lessons”.

Deep inside her mind was planted the details of a way to leave this place. The conversation she had earlier with Mason triggered something significant. She knew in her heart that God did exist and she knew He had created a safe place for her and baby Grace.

 “Where did that come from? Grace? I like that name for you Baby Girl.” Rachel patted her stomach reassuringly, “We’ll have to keep that to ourselves though, only Alec can name the babies.”

 

Rachel rolled herself over and climbed out of the chair after having fastened both turquoise shoes. She laid the pink and white baby shoes on her big belly.

Caressing her roundness with both hands she whispered, “Baby Grace we’re gonna be alright. The secret’s at the cemetery and we’re going there as soon as we get the chance.

 

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Comments

  1. Funny how so much hope can fill such itty bitty shoes. I’m not liking this Alec guy. What a bum!

  2. Ugh, Alec. You’ve done a really excellent job of making me hate him…ha! Seriously though, this is such an intriguing and unique tale. I can’t wait to learn about the secrets of Astra. I hope so much that she and Baby Grace escape with Mason and leave Alex in the dust!!

  3. I’m so happy you are continuing this. I love this closer look into Rachel and Alec’s life. I love the hope that is wound up in those shoes. I can’t wait for more.

    I think you could tighten up some of your longer sentences, doing more showing than telling. For example: “As Rachel sat in a chair trying to fasten the shoes, which was almost impossible over the baby bump, thoughts quickly turned to her last few visits to the cemetery.” Since we know she is pregnant, show me how impossible it was for her to fix her shoes before her thoughts go to the cemetary. Let me fill in the gaps through imagery.

    I really do love that you are continuing to write this story out of your comfort zone. They really stick, don’t they?

  4. Galit Breen says:

    Ooh intriguing.

    I must know more. There will be more, yes?

    I loved lines like this -Rachel ascended the winding staircase still clutching the bag from Halton’s store.- that I could imagine playing in my mind.

  5. I love that you’ve got the prompt in there twice. The matchy-matchy conforming tourquoise heels–seemingly like her life, a wrong fit and style, and the hope and dreaming contained in the tiny baby shoes.

  6. Wow, you are really spinning a tale from your uncomfortable place. I love how you use the known and unknown still. Leaves lots of questions…a good thing, pull those readers in, make them wonder!
    You are developing your characters well, give them substance. The shoes..worked great. The symbolism of the not being who she wants to be, the tightness and and uncomfortableness of her being trapped.

    • Thanks Terry. Your comments are so appreciated and encouraging. I will work on giving them more substance in the next piece and would love it if you will once again tell me what you think.

  7. Wow, lots of questions to be answered. I will look forward to some of them being answered as you continue this story.

  8. I love how you worked two pairs of shoes into the prompt – one pair of restraint and one of freedom. Nice job!

  9. Those tiny shoes hold as much meaning as the bad blue ones. I’m pulling for her and baby Grace!

  10. I went back and read the first part of this from last weeks prompt and I disliked Alec even more. The matching of the shoes and the dress turned me off him from the beginning 😉

    I love the simple contrast in these two lines “The turquoise dress fit tight around her pregnant belly. And the thin straps lay perfectly on her shoulders.”

    Looking forward to reading more.

    Thanks for your comment on mine by the way. 🙂

  11. Alec sounds like a real piece of pooh as a human being. I feel so bad for Rachel. This is a wonderful bit of writing. I would love to see how it unfolds, too. I want to know how she will get away from Alec.

  12. WoW!!! you are a lucid writer… loved the feelings the girl is going thru.. .very near to life… of course i hated the man.. control freak … beautiful write up!! beautiful…. wondering how it will end…

  13. Do you already know what’s waiting for her at the cemetery, or are you flying by the seat of your pants? You certainly know how to create suspense! Okay, just one suggestion, since I’m picturing these characters in the movie that is surely to be made of this tale. Could you infuse the situations with a little more “other worldly” lifestyle so that it truly does seem that they are on another planet? For example, maybe they don’t have cemeteries like we do. Call it something different, and maybe have the dead preserved as memories in tubes (no bodies, of course!). I’m just grasping at straws here, but I want to see this as something very different from Earth so when Rachel finally gets to Earth (as I’m assuming she will), there will be a big difference for her on so many levels. Love the whole premise of this and the clearly drawn characters!

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