Panic Attack in My Bathroom


Have you ever been alone but just felt as if you weren’t? Like someone or something was watching you? I had this experience earlier this week and I’m still traumatized from it. Only now am I able to write about it.

I was in my bathroom picking up some clothes The Train accidentally left in the floor and I had a creepy feeling come over me. As I moved from one piece of clothing to another there was just this sense that something wasn’t right. When I got to his shorts and picked them up out jumped the biggest, blackest spider I’ve ever seen! I began screaming to no avail, no one came to my rescue! I was shaking with the beginnings of a panic attack because I have a very real “spider phobia”. (Childhood spider trauma).

However I knew I had to be brave, there was no one to help me except Hound and he is as afraid of spiders as I am. I cornered the big black creepy thing beside the tub and looked around for something to kill it with. My breathing was so fast now I could hardly suck in any air…. Could I just shut the door and leave it there until The Train got home? No if I did, it would crawl into an unknown place, maybe under the seat of the toilet, and it would get me when I came back. What if it made it’s way into the bedroom and crawled in my mouth while I slept! A million scenarios went through my mind in those few seconds while I stood there, flip flop in hand, over that horrible creature.

I knew I had to hit it but my other fear was splatting it everywhere. It’s body alone was nearly as big as a dime! God help me to do this. I have to protect my family, honestly I didn’t care about the family, I had to protect myself!

A few deep breaths and down went the flip flop on top of the spider, not squishing it. I had to press down and it popped like a big ole pimple. It made me desperately sick ( nauseated now).

I had to clean up a big mess and watched as it went down the toilet as I flushed. I mean I couldn’t take a chance that the thing might still be alive even though it had no insides left.

After “the incident” I called 411, no time to find the number, and had the operator dial the number to my pest control guy. I requested an immediate trip to my house.

When my heart settled, I tried to eat lunch, no chance for I couldn’t get that horrible memory out of my mind and I was still nauseated.

I realize this sounds crazy but to those of us with phobias caused by childhood trauma it is very real. I’m laughing now, well kinda but not really, but at the time I seriously could not breath.

Do you have any phobias?

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Comments

  1. I get being scared of a spider but a spider the size of a DIME!!!! I don’t like spiders either I dont like any bugs for that matter. I used to love Rolly Polly’s but about 10 years ago I wasing introducing them to Abby (now 12) and I couldn’t handle that horrible thing walking on my hand. I don’t like anything flying – I freak and end up acting like an idiot as I’m running away from a moth! People just stand there looking at me like “It’s a MOTH!” I know exactly what it is but it was flying right at me that makes it personal. If you kill the moths around me I’ll gladly kill the spiders around you! You are so funny.

  2. Shniece says:

    Julie,
    I can feel your pain, I am terrified of spiders,lizards,and any kind of creeping thing, but especially spiders! I just loose it if they come near me! I would have to pray for boldness just to be able to kill a spider like that. Just the other day, a lizard got in the house and ran under the wall in a corner. I could not rest knowing that it was in the house. I was jumpy and wondering if it went under the wall and had babies. It was horrible! but ” thanks be to God who always causes us to truimp”! He finally came out and we were able to open the door and get him out, and I haven’t seen a trace of tiny little lizards.
    Praise God!

    Shniece

    • I had a black widow spider have babies on my bed when I was a kid and it traumatized me so much. i had to sleep in my brother’s room for over a year. Thanks for commenting Shneice.

  3. I don’t trust a person who doesn’t have some kind of little phobia! I feel phobic about “water bugs” (a.k.a. cockroaches). How I hate when no one is around to kill it for me. My thought process is similar to yours with the spider– if I don’t kill it now, it will come get me later! Little lessons in bravery.

  4. (I love Melanie!) I totally get this line: “What if it made it’s way into the bedroom and crawled in my mouth while I slept!” AGGHHHH!! We have spiders EVERYWHERE at our house. I don’t mind them OUTSIDE and can kill them with no problem if I find them inside, but the thought of them crawling on me while I sleep is…. EEGGGEEHRRRHHGLLLUUHH! (Just sayin’….)

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