Free To Be Me! Discovering Who I Am.


I lived most of my life to please others. I was the person they needed and wanted me to be. It did not matter who I really was inside, if it didn’t fit their mold I changed myself to make them happy. So many years buried under so many masks it’s no wonder I lost my identity along the way. So many years I did not see my trueface. Was I a small child when I began wearing the masks? What would I have been like as a young mother and wife had I kept my own identity? I can’t go back and change things, and it’s a waste of time to ponder what might have been but I do wonder if things might have been different.

My desire to be accepted by others was so strong it controlled me. I could not bare conflict and tried to bring peace at all cost for myself and others. This stemmed from dysfunctional family issues both in childhood and as an adult. I had become co-dependent. However, a few years ago something clicked and I began to understand God’s real love for me. Somehow knowing the Creator valued and loved me changed how I saw myself. I found out the truth of who I really was and that I had a purpose and destiny specifically designed just for me. The problem before was that I could’nt live it out because I didn’t believe I was worthy to have such a purpose. I could never see myself as deserving to have a God given destiny that would make a difference in the world. When I realized I was that valuable to God I began to understand how much I was worth. His love was enough for me and if nobody else accepted or “liked” me that was ok.

I thought maybe it was time for me to live the life I wanted to live instead of the life I was supposed to live. I began to think my dreams really could come true. Dreams? Did I say dreams? Up until this point in my life I never knew I had dreams of my own, it had always been about everyone else’s dreams. As I began to see who I was, I found I wanted to follow the road that would take me on my own journey.

My children are grown now and my husband and I are in mid- life together.
We have created a life I love. I am finding my own identity and there are some definite visible changes inside and out. The once timid, doormat personality I hid behind has mostly vanished. Its replacement is more discerning and confident. Those who know me well are surprised when I make a request for better customer service, or refuse to be taken advantage of by a friend or family member. I love that I am finally free to be me.

I feel safe enough to take off my masks and be myself. It is only when I am truefaced not twofaced that I am free to show myself. Living true to who God has made me to be is life changing, empowering, and beautiful. I accept myself, thinning hair, chubby arms and all and I proclaim loudly “Freedom feels so good after all these years!” ©

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Comments

  1. Gloria Northern says:

    Thanks Julie. I have been through the same and appreciate your sharing. It is encouraging for me!

  2. Beautiful!! your post oozes positivity….i am so glad that you have finally reached this point…. being WHO you are!!! congrats!!!

  3. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be what others needed me to be. Sometimes it’s still a battle to be free. Slowly God is changing me, I’m still searching for the right path. When I feel myself slipping away, I hope that I can remember your phrase.
    ”True faced not two faced” : I had never really looked at it that way. What have I been afraid of? I am exactly who God made me to be.

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